The virtues of the rugby tour are long established. An opportunity to get off the beaten track and discover pastures new. To really get to know a place, and more importantly its people. To bond with your teammates more thoroughly than the regular routine through the season allows. To export your club’s identity and traditions to new communities, establish new ties, and bring home friendships and memories to last a lifetime.

These are noble sentiments, but above all, it’s about the non-stop camaraderie and craic. “A tour is cross between a medieval crusade and a prep school outing”, as veteran rugby reporter John Hopkins famously put it, and clearly he knew his stuff.

The London Irish Vets side was established in the mid ‘70s, as, in the words of founding father Des Egan, ”a collection of entertainers, performers, actors, singers and dancers… the right kind of heads”. If you brought something to the party, you were welcome in the Bs. (Also, in fairness, if you had a car, you were in too). These attributes naturally made the Bs born rugby tourists, and unsurprisingly they took to it like ducks to water (or in this case beer, wine and whiskey).

Club stalwarts such as Brendan Douglas, Alex Newberry, Jim Reilly, John Barbieri, Oliver McLarnon, Jim O’Hara, Davy Johnstone and John Hunter, amongst others, were the driving force in those early days, when the side’s spirit and ethos were being forged. The dedication and enthusiasm of other influential characters, the likes of Ronnie Johnston, Tommy Joy, Danny McCarthy and Des Egan himself, laid the foundations for the many happy days that followed. A team’s true identity and personality are surely built when hitting the trail to foreign shores, wholeheartedly embracing the local culture, and enjoying the journey as much as the destination.

They first hit the road in 1982, heading to Amsterdam, and have never looked back, nurturing a proud travelling tradition. 59 tours, to 15 different countries. In addition to some of the usual celebrated rugby locations, they have ventured as far afield as Bucharest, Budapest, Berlin, Barcelona, Bordeaux, Benetton, Bologna, Brooklyn, Bandon, Belfast, Bangor, Ballymoney and Ballynahinch. (Please note, venues starting with other letters are also available).

More recently, having struck up a bond with a submariners’ team at a tournament in Sicily, the planned venue was to be Odessa, until the pandemic put paid to this. Both clubs have kept in touch throughout the current tragic events, which obviously make a rugby match seem irrelevant. The Bs have resolutely assured their Ukrainian colleagues that they will one day honour this commitment.

So what goes on (and stays) on tour? Well, there’s always at least one match, sometimes even a tournament. Invariably the Bs pride themselves on immersing themselves in the local hospitality. Not for them the shy, philistine approach. Naturally, appreciating native food and drink is a central part of the experience. In recent years, senior tourists have selflessly carried out prior reconnaissance missions, ensuring the London Irish badge is warmly welcomed wherever the group go, and planning the grand Sunday lunch which has become a guaranteed high point. Inevitably there will be music (the Bs’ resident trad band, The Lavatory Door Four, might even get out the banjos and bodhráns), dancing, and singing late into the night.

One seasoned tourist, on being discreetly asked for a review of memorable moments down the years, remarked: “Well, where do I start? Anarchy, piracy, taxidermy, pyrotechnics, arson, hospitalisation, incarceration, mafia negotiations, bribery, ransoms, car chases, that sort of carry-on.” Fairly lively stuff. “And that was just the Friday. The following night got really messy!”

In the ’97 season, the pre-Christmas “raid”, traditionally to Ireland, was established, as an abbreviated but no less boisterous version. In theory it can be completed between Saturday morning and Sunday evening, minimising upheaval at home and work, but, as always, theory is one thing, reality another. The raid has become a popular fixture in the calendar, not least as a reunion with those club members now residing in the homeland.

The title of most enduring tourist surely goes to Malcolm Wilson, who’s been virtually ever-present, making it home safely from an impressive 53 trips, and still at the heartbeat of all that’s good when the Bs venture overseas. That prodigious level of stamina makes him uniquely qualified to comment: “The format hasn’t really changed over the years… a game, a grand meal for the whole party, and, where the schedule allows, some sightseeing. This brings everyone together, new faces slotting in effortlessly with the old timers, and it just works. Throw in an outstanding location - San Sebastian being my personal favourite - and you’ve got something special ” If it ain’t broke…

No doubt there’s a rich history, and many a story to tell, but perhaps not here. What is for sure, as the season draws to a close, is that, to a man, the Bs “just can’t wait to get on the road again”. Next up, the glamorous venue of Newcastle (Tyne and Wear, not County Down) awaits. Here’s to all the as yet undiscovered fields on which to do battle, all the new friends to be made, and all the old songs to be sung. Long may the Bs brotherhood tour!

The LIARFC Bs turn out every Thursday night from 7.30pm at Hazelwood to chuck a ball about in a game of touch rugby which keeps the pounds off right up to the point we head to the bar! So why not come down you'll be made very welcome. For more information https://www.liarfc.co.uk/teams/208616,